A few pics of life here...

Saying No

I really need to learn how to say no.  In so many ways.  No to this offer and no to this friend and no to this expense and no to this outing.

I am not living within my means.  I am living way outside of it.  And it is dictated by fear.  In so many ways.  Fear of being left behind.  Fear of missing out.  Fear of forgetting.  Fear of achieving, even.  And I don't know what to do.  The love of money is truly a great sin.  It steals our happiness, maybe dictates it to an extent. I am freaking out about money.  And why??!!?? i have no clue.  I am leaving for Chile in a few weeks time, and i know that when i get back, i will once again, have to hit the ground running.  My dreams are achievable.  I just have to believe in myself and my abilities and just go for it.

I've been sucked into a world that i'm not happy in. I want out. I don't want to be in Castle Rock anymore.  I don't want to be working a 40 hour week while juggling a massage career.  But that dream seems impossible.  The dream of living on my own, supporting myself, paying off loans, enjoying what life is giving me.  With God, nothing is impossible.  He is there and will provide and guide. i just want it to happen now.  i'm kinda freaking out.

Pumpkin Smoothies

This is one of my favorite blogs, and she always has the best recipes!! Here's a great one for Pumpkin Smoothies...YUMMMMMMM


http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/10/pumpkin-smoothie/

Galatians 6:9-10

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

A Bright Future in the Age of Limits

You have to fight. Life is a fight. A Battle. And you can categorize that as a good or a bad thing, whatever you choose. I see it as both. It is difficult. But we have come to say that all things that are difficult are bad... But is that what we really want? Things that are hard are things that mold our character, that chip away brokenness, that purify of impurities...

I've never really considered myself a go-getter. I'm not sure if it's just something i was never taught, or if it was something i have always feared. Fear failing if i step out. Fear of being criticized if i fail. Fear of succeeding perhaps? Who knows.

I know that I have so much potential. And in all honesty I have plenty of time to achieve so much. But at times i panic, thinking that i can't undo what's been done, or i can't redo what i've done, or i can't start over or start something new. I should have just done that from the beginning. But I LOVE where my path in life has taken me. I have met and fallen in love with so many different types of people.

Life is a crazy balance between achieving and succeeding and earning. You have to have money to survive. Plain and simple. But if that dictates your life, then you're missing the point. It's the people (for me at least) that fill the gaps of the earning and working and doing and achieving that seem to make it all worth while. Meeting and getting to know people is not easy. But when you do, when you establish a connection with someone in any way at all, a fire is started. Deep down in you. A fire burns. And each new person you meet is a fan for the flame. People do leave your life, but they still contributed to the fire, and that will never be extinguished.

I am limited in a way. We are in a recession. I am still only 25. I am building a clientele in a career i love. Ironic, but that's the first time I've ever called what I'm doing a career. From Sunset Stone to Wind & Water Salon and Spa....I do have a career.

The word career (according to the Online Etymology Dictionary....i'm a dork, i know)... is "a running, course"...a path you are on. And according to Dictionary.com, it is "an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework". it is your LIFE. WORK. you spend a lot of time doing it. A lot of effort goes into how you will get there, what you will wear, what you will eat before, during and after, what you do to get people to know what you are doing, other people doing a career so you can do yours. it is so complex. See how it can be limited? And yet, it is still, limitless.

Look for goodness, and be thankful for it. Don't miss all the goodness and beauty and kindness there is for you in this day just because you have a lot of difficult things going on. Beauty is all around. You have a lot to work towards, you'll get where you're going someday. It is so hard right now to be content where God has me. In my Jobs, at my parents, in Colorado, in groups and communities and friends and cars i have. It's hard!!

A lot of the time i want to cry, but not a helpless cry, but a stress relieving, this is not the end of the world kind of cry. I'm in a difficult place, but i know that it's for a purpose, that i'm going somewhere, that all the things i'm worrying about now will be solved in a few years and i will have new worries. Live is transient. I have a bright future. And only i can get me there.

You name your own limits. You change your own limits. You name your future, and you decide if it is bright or not. I believe we all have a bright future. And future on this earth really is bright, you just have to choose how you will be able to see it as bright.

Me and My Keens

Oh the places you'll go...

Oh the places we've been...me and my keens.

I was boarding a plane to Boston to visit my brother for the first time and I realized that my Keens and I have been around the block together.  They went with me and in a way protected me and encouraged me and strengthened me.

We started out at Eagle Lake together...playing the greatest games of capture the flag i have ever participated in, hiking to the most beautiful views, trapsing around in the dark...you know, camp-y things.

Then we worked for a horticulture company...pulling weeds, watering trees and shrubs and flowers, overturn dirt, touching the earth, breaking it under my feet and in my hands.

THEN...we went to Chile. For YWAM.  We went swimming together, more hiking, work duty, evangelism, and cleaned up after the great earthquake.  Covered in sewage, and mucky ocean water, and dirt and sand and even poo...oh me and my shoes.

More hikes, more walking.  We hiked the Freedom Trail together, seeking out the destinations of where my country began and started its movement towards independence.

It's a unique way to view your shoes as a companion.  But i love them.  They are well worn which is just another way of saying well loved.

Me and My Keens.

Car Troubles-A Test of Trust and Provision, and a fight for JOY

I drive a Jetta.  A sleek, silver, 1999 Volkswagen Jetta.  And in the last 2 months, I have been in possession of my car for 2 weeks, and had the ability to drive it for one week.  Yes, that's right. ONE.   It all started on a hot day in Grand Junction when the car lurched forward as I as slowing down, and for 200 miles from GJ to D-town, refused to shift out of 3rd gear.  Imagine flying down the highway at 70 miles an hour at 4500 RPM.  You kinda feel like the car is going to combust.  So i took it to AAMCO (big mistake), and they had it for about 5 weeks on and off, fixed the transmission, replaced some electrical wires, lost a few parts, and left behind a south-park stress-ball on the floor of my front seat. $2500 later, my car is returned to what I believe working order.  the check engine light remains on, the loud clanking noise continues from the bottom of my car, and the brakes start grinding.  I learned to change brake pads (saving about $300), and purchasing a special VW tool for brakes (thank you Germans).  I get it diagnosed (supposedly free? no, that'll be $90).  Still need a catalytic converter. (ranges between $150 and $1500, big gap, right?)  My mom so graciously takes it to get snow tires yesterday, and as we go to pick it up, they say, we're gonna need you to take a look at something.  The bearings are completely broken, not safe to drive on the highway.  That's nice because i drive 22 miles on the highway to work everyday, and it's not safe to drive across the freaking street.  So what are the morals of this saga??....oh, they are endless.

To begin, MONEY.  I have been in the working world for about 7 months now, 2 jobs, 8-5 job, massaging, etc.  July was the first month where I was able to pay for absolutely everything on my own.  No need to ask for help on my health insurance, gas money, whatever else.  When did the car problems start? oh, August.  Of course.  I don't want to rely on my parents for this, but there is no way i would have been able to pay the nearly $3500 bill that has slowly accumulated over the past 2 months.  And I thought I was doing SO well.  NOPE.  And I live at home.  Could I even afford to pay rent anywhere? NOPE.  So my parents are still my financial crutch, even though, for the first time IN MY LIFE, i am able to pay for EVERYTHING!! I really am proud of this!  Being an adult is SO HARD!!
What I can't seem to get into my head is that THE MONEY HAS BEEN PROVIDED.  End of story.  There is nothing I can do about it. Or atleast, my newly adult brain just doesn't know quite yet what to do.  This is so humbling.  is this helplessness or trust??  I was reading yesterday in My Utmost for His Highest.  The theme was Trust.  Can we come to a point in our faith that we do not focus on blessings or lacktherof, and not notice because we hunger SO much for God himself that blessings or not all we want is HIM??? THAT is trust.  THAT is love.  THAT is HIM.  Our gloomy outlook never grays our lives again as we focus fully on Him.  The gloom may be there, but His light is so blinding we don't even notice, nor do we even care, because we KNOW and TRUST that He is providing and molding and testing and, nothing else, but LOVING. We no longer crave God's blessings, we crave only God Himself.  Can we come to a point where God can withdraw His blessings from us without our trust in Him being affected?  Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in Heaven, whom the world cannot see.

Another lesson, SACRIFICE.  My mom has given me her car to use.  So she remains at home.  She does not feel stuck, because she is newly retired, and ready for uninterrupted REST.  That is a mother, my mother to say the least.  Sacrificing for her daughter who is struggling to not only hold onto the end of the rope that leads into adulthood, but fighting, with all her might, to climb up it.  I have to be in Castle Rock 6 days a week for work.  Too far to be dropped off and picked up later.  So I guess, THANKS MOM! You are a great example of a powerful woman I dream to be someday.

JOY in suffering.  That was the third lesson.  Last night at K-Life, one of the leaders spoke about the Upside-Down Kingdom.  How we are to find JOY in suffering.  why? because God has a purpose behind it.  From sharpening our character, to testing our faith, to increasing our trust, to proving His provision and not relying on our power alone.It is HARD to say, God, I trust that you will provide for my car, protect me as I drive up the street.  It's easy to run the other way.  So say, heck no God, this is too much.  But the reward, the true JOY that you taste in trusting Him, makes you hungry for more of HIM, once again thirsting only for HIM and not requiring blessings because you trusted.

TRUST, SACRIFICE, and JOY....because of a car.  who would've ever imagined the fruit that would be born from this seemingly simple necessity?