I have made many decisions in my life and they have gotten me to where i am today...many of which i could do again, learn differently, or display differently in my character. These aren't necessarily regrets, because in all honesty i believe that i can change them, or try again, or just DO it now or sometime in the future. But it's hard. very very difficult somehow.
Being an adult is arduous...it really is anything but simple. From making money, to paying for things, to living out who you are and who you want to be in opposition to what other's desire of you and how they believe life should be lived, to intentional relationships, to the provision of daily necessities, to physical capabilities, mental limitations, and spiritual desires and differences.
I saw a commercial yesterday about a puzzle with billions of pieces. You are a piece of the puzzle, and as you get put into place alongside others, a picture becomes apparent. But finding your place is hard. People latch onto you and try to force themselves in next to you in so many ways. Resistance become a barrier between you and success, and that may have never been the intention.
People may not tell you you're living your life the 'wrong way', but the way they communicate tells you that you're doing it wrong. They forget the path that brought them to where they are. The lessons they had to learn. And lessons aren't necessarily bad, but they tell you that you want to or don't want to live a certain way. And the fact of the matter is, everyone's take-home lesson is different. The message might be the same, but the words and thoughts that were captured are different.
I guess my message here is...there is no 'right way'. There are many 'right ways' and many 'wrong ways'....and those can flip flop for everyone. You can do things one right way for a while, then decide it is no longer 'your right way'. Then you head down 'another right way' for a while. And you can be going down 'many right ways' at once, and someone may see you as going down 'one very wrong way', but that is 'their wrong way', not yours. You can even blind people to 'certain right ways' you are on because they feel it is a 'wrong way', so they may only see one of your 'right ways', and they too feel it is a 'right way'.
In one week I have 'many ways'...I have the 'work way', the '8-5 way', the 'massage work non 8-5 way', the 'church way', the 'Jesus way', the 'beer way', the 'fun and games way', the 'adventure way'. And those add up to months of different ways. And then one day 'your way' changes to a 'new way' for a few months, and you fully plan on going back to 'other ways', but for now, this is 'your right way'. Your 'right where you need to be for now' way.
The hard part is when you feel as if you are standing on your own two feet, but others see you as standing on one, and using others as crutches. But if you honestly feel that you are standing firmly on your own two feet, no one can take that away from you. They may not know the whole truth...and in some ways that is none of their business...you have to find your 'right and wrong ways', just like they did...like they still are...
Life is fluid...it is a balancing act of so many entities. Rebalancing is futile, change is inevitable and necessary. Confidence in your 'right way' and that no matter how you feel now, in the next epoch, all these issues will resolve themselves, become pleasant habits, or powerful omissions...and you will have a new way to fit yourself into the bigger picture.
So here's to my 25th year...of re-balancing, re-juvinating, re-discovering, re-issuing the right and wrong ways...and to a fresh confidence that the picture I am painting is beautiful, and that craftmanship of my heart is intentionally the design to be Rendered Radiant.
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