I really need to learn how to say no. In so many ways. No to this offer and no to this friend and no to this expense and no to this outing.
I am not living within my means. I am living way outside of it. And it is dictated by fear. In so many ways. Fear of being left behind. Fear of missing out. Fear of forgetting. Fear of achieving, even. And I don't know what to do. The love of money is truly a great sin. It steals our happiness, maybe dictates it to an extent. I am freaking out about money. And why??!!?? i have no clue. I am leaving for Chile in a few weeks time, and i know that when i get back, i will once again, have to hit the ground running. My dreams are achievable. I just have to believe in myself and my abilities and just go for it.
I've been sucked into a world that i'm not happy in. I want out. I don't want to be in Castle Rock anymore. I don't want to be working a 40 hour week while juggling a massage career. But that dream seems impossible. The dream of living on my own, supporting myself, paying off loans, enjoying what life is giving me. With God, nothing is impossible. He is there and will provide and guide. i just want it to happen now. i'm kinda freaking out.
